A great present
Mood:  special
Topic: Gifts
Wow. Today I am again reminded that God loves to give good gifts to His children. He did that with me last week, literally. I was coming home from taking Courtney to school and I turned on WJIE (which I usually don't listen to) to hear the traffic report. Then they announced a call-in-to-win prize package. It was a big package and the one thing I was most interested in was a DVD documentary of the life of Jim Elliot. The annoucer kept reading the other prizes off and inside of me I just had a understanding that this was mine. I pulled out my cell phone and had to wait for him to give out the number before I could call. Then it took a few seconds for the call to connect to the cell tower. I almost snapped my phone shut but then it started dialing. I was very shaky when I won the package, just from excitement.

Well, one of the things I won was a book called "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas. This is how I know it was given to me by God. I have only read the first chapter so far, but man, this is exactly where I am at with God. I am busting out of my un-life where I am only making it through the days and I am finding the passionate relationship God desires for us to have. In these opening pages, she describes so many things that are similar to what I am going through now that I feel like she must have been sitting in on my last counseling session.

Thank you God for your spiritual AND tangible gifts!

Truth or Dare
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Selah - "You are my hiding place"
Topic: Truth
One of the main areas of change for me in growing in Christ has been finding what is authentic (real, the truth). Now I know many of you Christians will say the Bible is truth -and you are right! But I have seen that many Christians do not know (fully grasp and live in) the truth that the Bible contains. So -for our family- we live with the premise that if what we believe conflicts with what the Bible says, we change - we can't change the Bible to fit our way of thinking.

Well, I was thinking the other day about the game Truth or Dare. This game is very interesteing in itself because it identifies whether we are more comfortable with being honest - or are we willing to risk embarrasment or injury doing a crazy dare to avoid what is truth. What is it about the truth that makes it so fearful to people? As I have found, truth only brings freedom and release.

One of my goals I would like to have is to be able to stamp 100% authentic on myself and have that be who I am. I really hate playing the "everythings ok" game and just want to be real with people (fortunately I have a few friends who are real as well). We are getting ready to start teching a class and my one hope is that the people will be genuine when they come. And that they will accept our genuineness in return.

Flags/Banners in Church
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Selah - O The Deep Deep Love of Jesus
Topic: Worship
I have just started using flags in worship a couple months ago and have been trying to study on them to understand more why I am called to do this. Several people have told Eric and I that we are warriors and worship warriors and I feel that flags play a huge role in this.

In searching through the scriptures I found that the flags (banners and standards) were used for two purposes mainly:
1) As a signal to the nation - a rallying point - in warfare. The standards were part of the army and let the army know where they should be. I think that they may have had different standards that told them when to attack or retreat.
2) As a sign for your place, your home, your tribe - to identify where you belonged.

One passage of scripture has intrigued me: Psalm 20:1-5
1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

The reason why I though this was interesting is that as a Christian I am trying to develop an outward focus instead of remaining focused on myself and these verses are a great example of that. They are shouting for joy and praising God with their banners because He has given their neighbor the desires of his heart. How many times as Christians do we say "Great! I'm so happy for you!" and say inwardly "Why hasn't God done that in my life?". There are so many times that I want to kick my brain out of my own head. It is filled with so many stupid thoughts. I guess I am impatient about the time it takes to renew our minds. Breaking out of old patterns is hard to do - thankfully, I am recognizing these patterns now and I can do something about them!

Time Crunch
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Time
So, one of the major awarenesses of my life has been the time factor - I feel the weight of time slipping away. I really feel that we are nearing the end and the return of Christ and His kingdom. This was confirmed to Eric and I when a lady who was ministering to us said that our children will have no end. I guess I have the feeling of the cancer survivor who wants to live each day to the fullest. My only problem is that I still (partially) believe the lie that "there is nothing to worry about", "Jesus won't return soon", "just do what you feel like doing". Even if you don't believe that Jesus will return in your lifetime, you still should use each day to it's fullest potential.

I tend to let life pass by me instead of actively taking control of it and making it mine. This is something that I am changing about myself. I will no longer let other peoples attitude or actions in life allow me to waste the only thing I cannot get back - my time.

There is a great quote by CS Lewis (and this is not an exact phrasing) but it says "Only two things in this world will last - God's Word and man's souls. It is on these two things that we should spend the majority of our time." This is my goal. To do the will of my Father and affect many for His kingdom instead of living a life of passivity that is denying the power He has for us.

Ever Wonder....
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Joyce Meyer's teachings on attitiudes
Topic: the idoits we are
Well, this will be an interesting first post but I was just thinking the other day on how idiotic our life really is (or at least how we are in it). What I mean is that whenever I am feeling down, I can't think of how I got here or how on earth I can get out - then when I'm feeling up, I can't believe I was ever down and can't see why I would ever want to stay down if I feel that way again. (My current status is up). And my question to myself is "Whay do I think these thoughts? What is it that is a false way of thinking?" And I realize it is because my thoughts are about myself.

One of the things that I have seen here lately is that I cannot trust myself or rely on my feelings or emotions to direct me in life. (Proverbs 3:5-6) I realize that as a culture we are taught to do this (especially in the 80's when I was growing up - our motto was "If it feels good, do it.") I always thought that was a really dumb saying and yet I can look at myself and see me living that way. AHHHH! How to escape?

The obvious answer is to focus on Christ. My hard part is putting that in action. I feel like I get caught up in the everday things that are directly in front of me and I don't put my focus on what is happening spiritually. I really just want to have my focus immediately jump to the spiritual instead of constantly staying focused on myself or on the natural.

Joyce Meyer said in her teaching unselfish attitudes that Satan wants us all day to be going around like little robots saying "What about me? What about me?" and if you think about it, we do that a lot. I am constantly struggling against having a self serving attitude.